The Reality Of Divorce
The Reality Of Divorce Save Email Print
Half of all marriages end in divorce, more find that acceptable
Posted: 9:23 PM Nov 17, 2008
Last Updated: 3:12 PM Nov 18, 2008
Reporter: John Knicely
Email Address: sixonline@wowt.com

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A Gallup poll in May found that divorce in the United States had become less of a moral issue. The findings show that 70 percent of those surveyed consider divorce morally acceptable, compared with 59 percent in 2001.

The norm in today's society is that one out of two marriages end in divorce. "For the first time in 2005, there is more divorce inside the body of Christ than there is outside of it," says Pastor Jim McGaffin of Omaha.

McGaffin and other Omaha pastors Channel 6 News spoke with say that the church is responding more than ever to the needs of those who are affected by divorce.

Dr. Curt Dodd of Omaha's Westside Church recalls the time when "divorce was almost a red letter sin, sort of like adultery in the Hawthorne novel The Scarlet Letter."

"The norm is families that have begun again and they may have several parents and several stepchildren, stepbrothers and so the blended family really is it seems like the norm in culture today," says Dr. Dodd.

Westside Church and a number of other churches offer a program called DivorceCare. The weekly ministry provides counseling for both adults and children who are affected by divorce.

"People are undergoing a tremendous amount of stress before they walk in the door and they're just looking for someone that might be willing to listen for awhile and tell their story and kind of unload some of that grief as they tell it," says Arlan Schweitz, DivorceCare counselor at Christ Community Church in Omaha.

Schweitz says many of the people who attend the DivorceCare meetings actually attend other churches and some live in communities an hour away from Omaha.

At Pilgrim Baptist Church in Omaha, Pastor Cedric Perkins emphasizes ongoing marriage counseling and marriage retreats. "When communication breaks down in a marriage, that's when you start on the path of going your separate ways, so communication is the key in order to prevent that from happening."

Two newlywed couples Channel 6 News spoke with agree that communication will be the key in maintaining a strong marriage. Both Luke and Jessica Sheridan and Brian and Risa Leinen participated in pre-marriage counseling in the Catholic Church.

They describe a portion of the course as "issue oriented." "They push the issues and almost try to get you in a fight," says Risa Leinen.

Jessica Sheridan says the counseling included "stuff that I never would have thought to talk about, but then you do and it's like oh, maybe we should have talked about that."

Both couples say they are aware of the high divorce rate in the United States and will honor their vows of a lifelong commitment. "In a relationship, it takes commitment and commitment doesn't kick in when things are going well," says Pastor Perkins. "Commitment kicks in when things get rough."

But acknowledging America's 50 percent divorce rate, Dr. Dodd says, "I do know that any church that is a growing church is going to target that population because people are more open for spiritual things when they deal with pain and when they deal with change they deal with challenges, so if a local church is going to have a great ministry, they're going to look at those elements in people's lives and jump right in there and I've watched that occur across denominational lines."

Click here for a list of churches offering the Divorce Care program.

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    Posted by: jay on Dec 4, 2008 at 12:03 PM
    Bill, Alan & LLR hit it right on the spot. Divorce is a symptom of our problems in society and even in our churches. We have kicked the Lord to the curb and don't want to trust & obey him in how to live our lives. There was a time where Divorce was unacceptable except in extreme cases and it was shameful. Fortunately, for those who went through a Divorce they could not stop the other person from Filing there is Divorce Care which helps heal the broken-hearted. Good story.

    Posted by: Jeannie on Nov 27, 2008 at 10:59 PM
    My husband made devastating choices for our family and has shown no remorse or any change of heart...Thank God for DivorceCare...I can lead my kids through this nightmare we woke up to! I didn't need to be judged by the church...I need to be loved and supported by the church...I needed a true foundation! The love and understanding myself and my children received at DivorceCare and DivorceCare for Kids has given us hope to live strong, happy lives! I recommend anyone in the darkness of divorce to come to one meeting!

    Posted by: gene on Nov 25, 2008 at 05:20 AM
    This is funny, if the people in the church actually belived what was being taught, and were actually God fearing Christians, you would not have such a high divorce rate. Also if the churchs were more worried about "Marriage care" then divorce care you could prevent this type divorces rate within the church. The church is "FULL" of Christians, as long as Christianity does not inter fear with what they want to do.

    Posted by: ME on Nov 19, 2008 at 01:20 PM
    Divorce needs to be an option. Sometimes it happens, no matter how hard you try to save the marriage, it still falls apart. We are very human. If it does, and you have children, you need to work together still, as a team, to let the kids know that it wasn't them and that you raise them together, even if you live apart. You are still both a part of each others lives. Sometimes divorce is even better on the family.

    Posted by: Pat on Nov 19, 2008 at 11:20 AM
    Feeling judged as a failure AGAIN. Divorce is a very painful process. Programs like DivorceCare and other peer-to-peer ministries offer a place to find healing, support and understanding. When a marriage fails, there are many losses; families struggle, children suffer and lives are forever changed. Please do not judge so broadly those who find themselves in this situation. DivorceCare is a program for those who want to work to understand the hurt and the pain they are feeling. It helped me to be a better parent and better former spouse after my marriage failed. Marriage prep and family support are part of helping to build a strong marriage bond but it takes more than that. Couples who understand that marriage is about putting each other first, thinking “for the GOOD of the Other” instead of for the “GOOD of ME” will be more successful in keeping their marriage strong. Attending marriage enrichment programs through your church can help to keep the romance alive and well. God bless abundantly those who give of their time and talents to provide these programs for the divorced.

    Posted by: JS on Nov 18, 2008 at 10:22 PM
    Omaha families need all the help we can get. Marriage is tough. Parenting is tough. Thanks WOWT for addressing reality and pointing us in a helpful direction.

    Posted by: Todd on Nov 18, 2008 at 04:56 PM
    The best thing that ever happened to me was my divorce! The worst thing was the marriage... I am FREE now!

    Posted by: Kristi on Nov 18, 2008 at 02:02 PM
    I think eveyone is missing the point of the story! We are NOT debating the reasons for divorce or the fact that it does happen, we are here ONLY to have people find help, discover hope, and experience healing from something they never expected to happen in their lives. To judge the program and the participant is unfair. Pain is pain, no matter who initiated it and we as DivorceCare facilatators are only here to offer support. This story is about POST divorce care, not pre, and believe it or not, we DO have coulples who have reconciled after attending our classes. I hope this helps you to see this in an entirely different light! Thanks

    Posted by: Anonymous on Nov 18, 2008 at 12:30 PM
    Yet another reason why Alan is obsolete. His ideas mean nothing anymore. My grandparents told me that there was a day when Alan's ideas meant something.

    Posted by: Good values on Nov 18, 2008 at 11:55 AM
    Problem in my eyes is the world has changed causing both spouses to work and not having enough time at home with the kids. Too bad it couldn't be the way it was where the wife was able to stay home and cook/take care of the kids. And NO I AM NOT SEXIST just think its better if mom could stay home with the kids instead of dumping them off at a babysitter all the time and then when you both come home hurry make dinner do the homework and put them to bed. MOst of the time all a family has is the weekends to have good quality time.

    Posted by: Kay on Nov 18, 2008 at 11:44 AM
    John, you have done a great story about how the Church helps people to prevent divorce, and also to minister to the families who are hurting from the pain of divorce. The following is a message that was put out on the DiovrceCare leader forum(this goes to leaders internationally). "Omaha, you're doing a great job! Please click on the link below to listen to TV interviews of three pastors in the Omaha area as they talk about divorce and how churches are offering recovery programs (DC & DC4K). A couple of DC leaders are also interviewed (click the last video link titled "Divorce" to see profile of an actual DivorceCare group- it's great!). Thanks Omaha and WOWT for speaking out about the reality of divorce. Thanks to the Omaha Leader Network for bringing DivorceCare and DC4K to the attention of the media and your city. In Christ,Naomi) Naomi is from Church Initiative and DivorceCare http://www.wowt.com/news/headlines/34620094.html

    Posted by: LLR on Nov 18, 2008 at 11:30 AM
    Amen, Bill and Alan. NO one wants to work at things that can prove difficult, like marriage and parenting. Yes there was a day when divorce was shameful and shocking. same as with unwed teen mothers. There used to be a huge stigma attached to that. Now they have day cares in the high schools that our tax dollars pay for.

    Posted by: Dennis on Nov 18, 2008 at 10:30 AM
    To much is made of the 1 in 2 get divorces instead of people getting married for the wrong reasons. People are more mobile nowadays and are not going to be satisfied if their partner is no longer compatible. back in the old days The man worked while the wife stayed at home being the homemake. Times have changed in which things are more expensive and to many temptations on the outside of the home. Ive seen many elderly people who would not be married in todays age if they had the chance to do it over again.

    Posted by: Alan on Nov 18, 2008 at 09:18 AM
    Yet another reason why marriage is obsolete. The vows married people take mean nothing anymore; this is indicative with no fault divorce laws. Either partner can cheat and there are no consequences. Since divorce is so acceptable these days, there is less reason to work out problems. My grandparents told me that there was a day when divorce was shameful.

    Posted by: Marie on Nov 18, 2008 at 09:15 AM
    Better for kids to be with one parents that's happy than two parents making everyone miserable. My kids have flourished since I divorced their Dad, I have worked my butt off to give them a well rounded life, now one's in College and two are on Honor roll. Divorce isn't the cause of society's problems, people are the problem!

    Posted by: Kent on Nov 18, 2008 at 05:15 AM
    This is what happens when men think they're done "sowing their oats", and then go to a church to find a virtuous wife. He'll return to his promiscuity when things don't go his way in the marriage. After all, he's already established his selfish behavior. So you'll get different answers, depending on how you ask the question. One: is divorce morally acceptable? Two: is it morally acceptable for a spouse to divorce a promiscuous, cheating spouse? Three: Is it morally acceptable for a spouse to divorce a physically abusive spouse? You can stack the question many ways.

    Posted by: Bill on Nov 17, 2008 at 11:43 PM
    People have the same attitude of about being a parent as getting married. I will give it a try for a while and see how I like it and if gets to rough I will just call it quits. That is why we have the problems we have today.

    Posted by: Scott on Nov 17, 2008 at 10:48 PM
    The way the gays' chance at marriage was shot down, how about making divorce illegal. You marry, and you stay with them or go to jail and pay a large fine (larger than any alimony)

    Posted by: JD on Nov 17, 2008 at 10:14 PM
    70% of people think divorce is OK. We have people playing beat the clock with the Nebraska Unicameral to legally abandon their children. And yet we're supposed to believe that the biggest threat to the American family is gay marriage?? OK, sure.

    Posted by: Craig on Nov 17, 2008 at 09:35 PM
    70% find it morally acceptable. The fabric of the American Family continues to break down and with that comes all of the rest of our social problems we face.

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